at least not when they drink and drive and kill a bunch of people

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1915467,00.html

sorry everyone who read that last article about how cool it was that you could drink and be a parent, LOOKS LIKE YOU WERE WRONG, because some woman killed herself and her kids by DRINKING

i saw this article via fark this morning and just couldn’t let it go unmentioned.

• mommy wants a drinkypoo

websites where people talk about getting drunk? where have i seen something like that before

these are obviously more sophisticated mommy types, though

Here is a recap of drunks that have been in the news recently:

• A florida family is in trouble for taking a cue from Applebees and giving gin to their 10-month old baby.
• Tennessee plans to card everyone for alcohol purchases, in an effort to “curb underage drinking”. Logic would dictate that carding the elderly would do nothing to further that goal, but as I’ve said before: logic has no place in discussions about “underage drinking”.
• That’s too bad, because there are some new studies that show once again: moderate drinking is good for you, and drinking wine will prevent tooth decay.

Thanks to a mishap involving identical unmarked containers, a baby at a California Applebees was given a margarita instead of apple juice.

Applebees seems to have a history of serving the extremely underage. Last year an Applebees in New York apparently gave a 5-year old a long island iced tea, which resulted in a lawsuit. Once again, the confusion was over an order of apple juice.

So the next time all you teenagers can’t find your fake ID and get refused entry to all your local bars, head on down to Applebees and order a round of apple juice. You’ll probably end up getting pretty hammered.

It happens all the time: some asshole kills himself or someone else after driving drunk, and the bar he was drinking at gets sued.

I’m not a fan of those kinds of lawsuits. As cavalier as I can be on the subject of drunk driving, I am still of the opinion that if your drunk ass causes an accident, it’s your fault and yours alone.

Still, even though I object to blaming the bar, I can see where these lawsuits are coming from.

Here’s what I absolutely can NOT fathom: the father of the dead drunk suing the driver of the tow truck that the drunk crashed into.

Yes, that’s right. He’s suing the bar, suing the victim of the crash, and also suing the driver of the car whom the tow truck was there to assist.

Maybe it’s the fact that people like this exist that makes the world so unbearable that the rest of us need to get really really drunk.

I wonder if I can sue them for that.

here are some highlights from the past couple of weeks:

first on the block: we’ve all heard that having a few drinks prevents heart disease, well here’s some more good news. Drinking also prevents cancer!

that’s especially good news for korean women, who apparently love getting shitfaced.

tv’s david faustino apparently loves getting shitfaced as much as korean women.

i’ve never been a fan of manipulating statistics or using appeals to emotion for the purposes of fearmongering, so it is with much schadenfreude that i report the ironic tale of a MADD volunteer arrested for DUI.

and finally, i know you’ve probably seen this already, but it would be remiss of me not to post a link: david hasselhoff can’t hold his liquor.