i think it will be good this time. we’ll see!

The only things I remember are an ill-conceived drinking game based around Iron Chef America. Every time they showed judge Jeffrey Steingarten’s greasy-ass lips, we would drink. Then on Project Runway, every time Tim Gunn touched his face, we’d drink. Whenever someone smiled, we’d drink.

Woke up at 1AM, making HURRRRR HURRRR noises on their futon (leaving what was later delightfully described to me as a “squirtle” on the wall).  I tore off the funky futon sheet in horror, clutching it to my chest. Then I immediately forgot I’d already taken the sheet off, and HULK-LIFTED the mattress, scrabbling to find the sheet.

Then I decided since I couldn’t find the sheet, I should take the whole futon mattress OUT OF THE APARTMENT. More HULK-LIFTING. Then, “Jesus christ this is freaking heavy, eh?” so I just ended up feebly flipping the mattress over and over again, still trying to find the sheet.

I called a cab service to come get me in motherflipping Harlem. I was crying for some reason, and my drunk-voice sounds like the voice of a retard with a mouth full of mashed potatoes. The dispatcher kept asking me if someone had kidnapped me, or if I was being held against my will. “NOE, I JUSS DRAUNKKK, I nee to go hooooommm,” I moaned in my retard-drunk-voice. The cab finally came, and the disgusting horked-up sheet was still clutched to my chest, but I wouldn’t notice it until I got home. When I got home, I realized that I wasn’t even wearing shoes — only socks.

2:15 AM. I tore off my clothes, threw them in the bathtub, and went to bed. When I got up for work the next morning at 8, I woke up in a sandwich — I had somehow crammed myself in between the bare mattress and the fitted sheet. The elastic was holding me in like a pita pocket.

I think I win the 2009 award for WORST DRUNK EVER!!!

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1915467,00.html

sorry everyone who read that last article about how cool it was that you could drink and be a parent, LOOKS LIKE YOU WERE WRONG, because some woman killed herself and her kids by DRINKING

i’m a fan of amberbock, another budweisrer/michelob thing and this is even darker but not quite a stout i suppose

DELICIOUS

oh ALSO, you know the old miller light commercial “youhad a hard day at the office, now it’s miller time” well more like “you had  a hard day at the office, now it’s TROLLING YAHOO ANSWERS TIME” am i rite

the people on yahoo answers are the people that make me drink

PS: oh nice i just noticed the messed up “how drunk are you” menu, that’ sg reat guys, good job thanks

my computear knows my secretes

hey guys happy saturda y niw, i just want to say whello

WHELLO LOLZ

my coweronkrer took me \out and it was quitre an eexperience, it’s been a while.  we drank lots o beer and i met his freidns and i wandered arojnd and met some more popel and the bartender ooooh la la lal la

ps.

i am soproud of my self for being able to DJ POSRT DJ POST DJPOST

+2359023582490237 AWESOME POINTSS PINTS HAHAHAHAHAH

good thing i ain’t shamed!